Hello Friends,
If you're reading this, it's because you care, and I appreciate that. So as anyone who watches my Snapchat stories would know, I spent the past half of my day watching Spider Man 2 and eating hot pockets. So that's where I'm at in my life right about now. I'd like to dive right in to discussing this absolute marvel of a film, but before I do, I feel it is my civic duty to inform you that this piece will include spoilers out the asshole, so please, proceed with caution. Let the record show that this film came out in 2004, and if you have neglected to see it for the past 11 years, you may want to rethink your life-living strategy moving forward. Just kidding, no judgement here, just kidding again, you are currently being judged, take a moment to close your eyes and feel my judgement.
SO THE MOVIE! Alright, let's summarize this bitch. To catch you up on the events of the first film (AGAIN, SPOILERS HERE) Peter Parker was bitten by a spider and became Spider Man. At around the same time, Norman Osbourne in a desperate attempt to salvage funding and investor interest in his company's latest product tested a dangerous serum on himself, transforming into a deranged, Willem Dafoe-like creature. The two battled it out, Norman accidentally killed himself, and now his son, Harry, blames Spider Man. Oh! And Peter Parker has resolved that he can no longer pursue a relationship with Mary Jane Watson due to the dangers being a superhero's "main squeeze" would pose. Fast-forward an indeterminate amount of time and now (In Spider Man 2) MJ is an actress on Broadway, Harry is the CEO of his father's multi-billion dollar company, and Peter Parker is still trying to juggle being a superhero with being a near-destitute college student whose aunt's home was just repossessed due to her own lack of money and a working spouse. Did I mention the Parkers are shit-poor? Yes, yes I did. I was being facetious.
fa·ce·tious
fəˈsēSHəs/
adjective
- treating serious issues with deliberately inappropriate humor; flippant.
Ok I'm sorry, now I'm just being a dick. So Peter is struggling to juggle his personal issues including an inability to maintain the relationships he considers most important as well as his debilitating guilt over the murder of his uncle. OK SUMMARY OVER NOW.
This film has been hailed by critics and fans for ages now, but there seems to be some debate over what actually makes the movie so good. It's a familiar story in a lot of ways, chronicling a struggle we've seen in comics and even on screen (Superman II has a very similar plot). The action is well choreographed and the effects are well handled, but these are things we can find in modern Marvel properties consistently. So why was Spider Man 2 so revolutionary? Why is it so damn good? Simple. If you call Spider Man 2 a superhero movie, stop it. Stop it right now. You're not exactly wrong, but you're really only half right. Spider Man 2 is a COMIC BOOK film. It is. I promise. Now you're probably thinking, "That's the same thing as a superhero movie you dumb dumb. Why am I even reading this? This guy has no idea what he's talking about! And he's black!" Woah, woah. That took a turn. Come on, reader. It's 2015. You can't be thinking things like that.
The point at which I was arriving is this: Spider Man 2 is a true comic book film. And there is a HUGE distinction to be made here between "comic book film" and "superhero film". Any flick can feature a superhero, The Dark Knight is a superhero film. But is it a comic book movie? No. Allow me to elaborate. A movie doesn't have to go full Sin City in order to be considered a comic book film. Translating panels to the screen is one thing (See Watchmen film adaptation); however using story elements and smart cinematography in order to pay homage to the great comics of the past century, that's a different matter entirely. Raimi doesn't cite any one particular Spider Man comic as being the inspiration for SM2; yet, he evokes the feeling of turning a page and reading a collage of panels with every movement of the camera. tits. Characters monologue, at times exaggerating their performances, contorting their faces or raising their voices until the moving image you see play out on screen resembles a cartoon. And in theory, that should suck. A movie like Spider Man 2 has no right being as good as it is. And yet, I can't get enough of it.
Critics and jaded ass-hats will maintain that modern movie-goers seem obsessed with the dark and the gritty. This is why we get shows like Arrow, exercises in tedium, parading around as the next dark, violent, realistic "thing". This is no more than a common misconception, and a gross underestimation of the movie-going public. People seem to forget why movies like SM2 work. Audiences, at their core, want to be entertained. They want to have fun. There is a certain point at which seeing a leather clad vigilante breaking limbs to the tune of some forgettable 90's rock song actually does get boring. And that's when films like Raimi's Spider Man come along, to remind the public of why we picked up those comics as kids in the first place.
In addition, the film has some true strokes of brilliance. Moments or ideas so inspired, I can't help but squeal a little when I'm reminded of them. For starters, Tobey Maguire. Now look, let me preface this by saying I understand the vast majority of you prefer Andrew Garfield, and that's fine. We're all entitled to an opinion, even a shit one. But the fact remains that Tobey is the perfect Peter Parker for Raimi's films, as well as the perfect Spider Man. He's earnest, he's good-natured, and above all you feel for the guy. This film really drives home the point that being a superhero and being a functioning civilian are pretty much mutually exclusive feats. There is not one moment during Peter's journey where you doubt that he just wants to do the right thing.
Then there's Alfred Molina as Doc Ock. Listen, I feel like no more even needs to be said on this point. People have been praising this performance for over a decade now. Yes, he's perfect. He's absolutely perfect. If you disagree, you're wrong, and no one likes you.
The score is just UGHGHHHHHGGHHGTYDUFUHHJKYDHBKFYDFIG yeah it's great.
Guys, this movie is emotionally resonant, it's well acted, it's well written, and its special effects have withstood the test of time. Withstood? Withstanded? Withstooded? Hang on, give me a sec...
Ok, withstood. Jesus.
I don't know how many different ways I can say GO WATCH THE SHIT OUT OF THIS but here's at least one more. GO WATCH THIS MOVIE.
OH SHIT WAIT I FORGOT THE THING ABOUT FEMINISM. This is stream of consciousness in nature, in case you couldn't tell.
Ok so you're all aware of that classic trope where the hero (generally male) tells the love interest (generally female) "We can't be together, if my enemies found out who you were I couldn't forgive myself!". And that's all well and good, except fuck that noise. What a selfish, dick-headed thing to say. Think about it. YOU can't fathom life without me so now I (a woman who loves you, the superhero) have to accept this bullshit reason for not being with you? Was I (still speaking as the woman) ever going to be consulted on this? Or was this decision that clearly involves both of our emotional well-beings all up to you?
I'm going somewhere with this.
Spider Man 2 addresses this. Despite how you may feel about the character of of Mary Jane Watson, she pulls some progressive shit in SM2. Peter tries to explain that things can't work and that MJ is better off without him. MJ proceeds to then call him on his shit, asking him to "Respect me enough to let me make my own decisions". They then agree to be together and make out. It's really aggressive kissing, too. Like a little weird, they both get really into it. I mean am I the only one who watched this as a kid and freaked out a little? I can't be. They do this weird lip sandwich thing where Tobey's lip is like the bread and Kirsten Dunst's lips are like the meat AND the cheese. If that visual makes you uncomfortable, then good, I've illustrated how weird it looks. Ok I know you want me to move on but I actually won't, this is really bothering me. They must have done multiple takes of that kiss, right? Which means that no matter how many times they did that kiss, that final product that we see in the movie was the BEST ONE. Which means some editor had to sift through several clips of Tobey and Kirsten doing the fucking mouth macarena until (s)he found the least cringe-worthy version. Which just sounds like an unfair position to be put in. Anyways...
YEAH THAT'S RIGHT. This "comic book film" from 2004 is more forward-thinking than its Andrew Garfield reboot from 2012.
Well that's all I got. Stay tuned for more of these, unless this was so annoying and difficult to read you never want me to do it again. If that's the case, this was fun. In the event you want more of these, I'm open to suggestions for what film to do next. Holla at me.
P.S if you spotted the word "tits" somewhere in this piece, congratulations, your prize is nothing. You don't get a thing. I just thought it'd be funny. Hehe.
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