There's Something About Scary

I've always appreciated horror as a genre. To me, there will always be something satisfying about watching a well-executed scare go down on screen. Tension building is a remarkably difficult and frustrating thing to achieve in writing, so believe me when I say those truly terrifying films, the ones we all agree are scary, are to be appreciated. 

FUCK MAINSTREAM HORROR.

It is a mess, it is an abomination, it is complete and total trash. Notice I'm not talking about modern mainstream horror necessarily, since the dawn of time, shitty scary movies have existed. Sure a lot of them had fun, campy, B movie sensibilities, and some of those movies I can find enjoyment in. People seem to have convinced themselves that pumping out a garbage horror movie on a low budget in order to make a profit is a new phenomenon. Producers of film have been milking franchises for as long as franchises have been a thing, and horror franchises are no exception. You know what movies I'm talking about, Ouija, The Gallows, Paranormal Activity, Unfriended, The Lazarus Effect, As Above So Below, and these are just some of the films to be released in recent years. All made for next to nothing and released to the masses to serve as the white noise to awkward middle school first dates everywhere. 

A movie doesn't have to be scary to startle you. Startling somebody is like sucker punching them, all that is required is for the person you plan to scare/punch to have no idea what's coming. And like a punch, it will happen, and it will be over the second after it does. Think the random bird trapped in the closet that flies out when the unsuspecting character opens the door, or the asshole friend who jumps out from behind a wall to frighten the protagonist, these are moments you've seen before and they're ALL BULLSHIT. Because that isn't tension. That shit isn't carefully constructed, or sustained, it is written into the film to convince you that you are being scared by preying on your inborn physiological fight or flight response. 

Look at a movie like Insidious, a movie I really enjoyed. The movie's scares aren't one offs. When Rose Byrne hears footsteps, or creaking upstairs, it's not because Patrick Wilson is pulling a fucking prank. It's because there is actually something to be afraid of present in her home, and we all understand that. THAT is scary. Because the stakes are real, the danger exists, it's not a trick. 

Now look at a movie like Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D...Or don't because it's really quite awful.

Mainstream horror is extremely lucrative. You drop $15 million max on a 90 minute movie, release it wide, market the crap out of it, and you end up with a relatively high return. I see why it's done, and I understand that the incentive to put any effort in at all is almost non-existent. And that is why I respect directors like James Wan so much.

James Wan loves horror movies. You can tell he does, without ever watching an interview with the man because you can see it in his work. I've never seen a film of his I didn't think was scary in some respect, and that is a very rare thing nowadays. The Conjuring isn't the scariest movie of all time, even if certain people will tell you that it is, but it is leagues ahead of any cheap cash-grab you'll find littering your theaters around Halloween time. Wan puts a painstaking amount of work into every frame, he works for the scares he delivers, and it is so apparent, even subconsciously to viewers who don't necessarily analyze every shot. Insidious is an incredible scary movie, and on top of delivering his own intriguing and tension filled story, Wan even finds ways to pay homage to the films that truly inspire him, like Poltergeist, a movie he clearly drew from heavily. IT'S SO NICE TO SEE SOMEONE WHO GIVES A HOOT.

And even if the mainstream movie market is saturated with unscary nonsense, the indie circuit is teaming with enough horror options to keep you scared for weeks on end. Movies like Goodnight Mommy, It Follows, The Babadook, and even films like The Guest, which isn't necessarily scary, but still takes largely from those classic 80's slasher flicks we love to hate (WATCH THE GUEST IT IS SO GOOD), are being produced and released more frequently. And that is really good to see.

Look, terrible scary movies are never going away. That's just how it works. However if we continue to encourage filmmakers to really put work into their scares, maybe we can balance out the market a little bit, as opposed to having shit horror flicks outnumber the good ones a hundred to one. 

I'm obviously not out and about in Hollywood making these movies, but I do like to think that if given the chance, I could generate scares. And here's how I think I'd do it.

MALAMA'S RECIPE FOR A SCARY MOVIE MOMENT

Ingredients:

Steadicam

Dolly

A Good Score

Capable Actor or Actress

Lighting Equipment of the "Good" Variety

Cinematographer That Cares

Director That Also Cares

Sound Equipment, Preferably Not Shit

Good Script

HERE WE GO

Let's use the classic empty house, young girl home alone trope. 

Establish that the girl is at ease, sitting on her couch perhaps, comfortable, under blankets. Maintain a slow and steady movement with every shot, pushes in and zooms out, careful and subtle. The music here is soft, if at all present. Not scary, not yet, and barely noticeable. If a phone rings, if a floorboard creaks, if a rock hits the window, cut to a reaction and hold the shot BEFORE cutting to the sound's origin. Linger on the face, let us guess what our actress is looking at. 

Now we hear the sounds are coming from inside the house. Our actress rises and investigates. She walks cautiously,and here we utilize longer takes, for the longer a shot lasts, the more we feel obligated to scan the frame. A longer take implies that we're missing something, and we are expected to find it. Here the score starts to change, the orchestrations sound more like noises than music. Still quiet, but constant.

Slow and steady wins the race when it comes to these moments, but if your actress walks too slowly, we'll lose interest. Think about how a scared person acts. Reluctant, sure, but also on edge, ready to run, "jumpy" so to speak. 

Our actress turns corners, the halls are dark, filled with a hazy, dim, blue light that seems to blink and flutter, emanated by the TV. The more practical lighting you do, the more real the situation will feel. The music starts to swell.

We come up on the door, from behind which the sound seems to be coming. She walks towards it, preparing herself mentally for whatever she might come across, perhaps convincing herself that she has nothing to worry about. Here we start to cut more frequently, but not jarringly so. The camera work becomes less steady, less secure. She extends a hand, ready to open the door.

The door handle jiggles by itself.

She recoils, moving her hand away. 

The door opens, ever so slightly. At first just a crack. The hinges creak as it swings.

Slowly it swings outwards, then stops.

She begins backing up, facing the door as she retreats. 

IT SWINGS OPEN COMPLETELY

WITH A LOUD BANG IT HITS THE WALL

THE MUSIC SWELLS TO A SUDDEN STOP, AND ALL SOUND CUTS OUT

HORRIFIED SHE STARES INTO THE VOID, THE EMPTY BLACK OF THE ROOM

WE LINGER ON HER FACE UNTIL FINALLY, HER EYES WIDEN

SHE SCREAMS AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS

Cut to black.

Thanks for reading.